It's storming in Bay City. Cass is at Smiley's drowning his sorrows in club soda. Waiting for Felicia to come and take him to the wedding. Feeling sorry for Sally and Catlin because they're getting married. Maisie says getting married can be kinda nice if its to the right person. Cass said that was pretty big if. He said if Felicia didn't arrive soon with transportation they'd be floating to the wedding in one of her hats. (If she's not there I fail to see how he plans to come by one but that's his plan.) Enter Kathleen and Jamie. Kathleen seeing Cass wanted to flee but Jamie said she couldn't avoid him forever. She said she could give it the old college try but he convinced her to stay and have lunch.
Aunt Liz is nervous as a cat, whereas Sally is calm and collected eating miniature quiches in her bathrobe. Aunt Liz is like this because of Sally's track record. Sally's trying to calm her down. She's worried about the weather. Sally's not. Alice arrived to help. Sally says nothing will spoil this wedding.
Catlin's getting ready to go to the church. He's not as nervous as Aunt Liz but far jumpier than Sally. Larry isn't helping any. Concealing socks. Acting superior. He says Catlin needn't be nervous because he's done all the important stuff and Sally's a terrific woman. Catlin doesn't want to embarrass Sally. He wants everything to be perfect for her. They left.
Zane and Brittany are on a plane to Bay City. She doesn't like the storm.
Ada after beating around the bush for quite a while told Mac Rachel was still Rachel and she might do something to embarrass him at the wedding. Rachel and Felicia appeared, Rachel resplendent in a very glittery befurred dress. Mac was speechless.
Liz is telling Alice stories about wedding ceremonies that were struck by lighting. Alice advised her not to tell Sally. Sally brought Kevin in. She tried to get him to tell her where the honeymoon's going to be. He won't because he promised Catlin. Liz took Kevin to get his ring pillow. Sally said while she'd been getting him dressed he'd said she couldn't wait until they were all married and living in the cabin because it would be like having a mother and father again. She was pleased by this. Alice: I'm sorry about the weather. Sally: Oh, well. I could get married in the middle of a hurricane as lone as it meant I'd be Catlin's wife. [The end justifies the means.] Alice: I feel like I should be saying something . . . well, meaningful right now, but I . . . Sally: Well. I already know about the birds and the bees -- Aunt Liz covered that again, just in case. Alice: Oh. Oh yeah, that's good. Alice wants her to have a wonderful life. Sally says she'll have a wonderful husband and she has a wonderful family. We're all set.
Zane called Larry's looking for Catlin. Clarice was the only one there and after quite a lot of delay she said he could be at the Matthews'. 53 Hill Rd.
Aunt Liz is putting the finishing touches on Sally's dress (with Sally inside it, of course). Catlin came a-rapping at the door entreating entrance. Aunt Liz took one look and refused to let him in. Sally covered herself to hide the dress and let him in herself. Sally: Hi. Catlin: Hi. Lovely outfit. Liz: You shouldn't be in here. You shouldn't see the bride on your wedding day. Catlin: Oh, that's all right, I really can't see that much of her. Sally: You didn't come over here to cancel the wedding, did you? Catlin: No. Liz: Catlin, what do you want? Catlin: I'd like to talk to Sally. Alone. Liz: I'm sorry. It's not possible. Sally: It ISN'T? Liz: I have done so much for the two of you. I have done everything I could. Now I have to stay in my kitchen because I have so much work to do. Catlin, what you can do is say whatever you have to say to her while I put all these sandwiches on these trays. Now go ahead. (Catlin took Sally a little further down the room and spoke in a lowish voice.) Catlin: I just wanted you to know that I think that this is the luckiest day of my life. And I'm going to make you and Kevin the happiest people on the face of this earth. (That's quite an undertaking and no you're not.) Sally: Oh, honey, I know you will. Catlin: You know when I first met you I said "I bet she's a stubborn girl" and I also said "I bet when she's in love that person'll really know he's loved." (Lies. All lies. He said "Yeah." [This in response to Maisie's comment that she was very pretty.] And thought about stills of Sally for a bit.) And I was right. I've told you a hundred times that you are the best thing that ever happened to me. (Aunt Liz started sniffling.) Sally: Aunt Liz? Liz: That was just so lovely, Catlin. Sally: Yeah, it was. Now isn't there something else you want to tell me? Catlin: After just declaring to you my undying love? Sally: I know, honey, I love you too. I would really love to know WHERE WE'RE GOING ON OUR HONEYMOON. Catlin: Not a chance. Sally: CATLIN. Catlin: I'll see you at the church. Sally: Wait a minute. Wait. I love you. Even if you don't tell me where I'm going on my own honeymoon. Catlin: 'bye. Sally: 'bye. Catlin: I hope you're not wearing that. Exit Catlin. Aunt Liz told Sally to take off her dress before she spilled anything on it.
Maisie and Nancy are trying to find out from Perry what went on at Catlin's bachelor party. Dirty movies? Dancing girls? Perry said not. They were disappointed. They didn't believe him.
Jamie told Kathleen Cass was staring at her furtively. Kathleen said MJ was wonderful. Jamie said it ran in the family. Kathleen was staring at Cass herself.
Poor beleaguered Perry finally invented Lilane.
Felicia arrived at Smiley's. She apologized for being late. Cass said they were in no hurry ("After all, it's only a wedding. It's not as if we have two on the aisle for a Broadway opening.") She told him Rachel didn't look fine and she was afraid Mac was mad at her. Cass told Felicia it was in poor taste to be in such a bad mood. After all it's a wedding. Maisie said he was a fine one to talk and he'd been grim since Kathleen arrived with Jamie. Felicia went and dragged Kathleen over and commanded them to talk.
Perry invented something about Lilane and peanut butter and jelly. Nancy and Maisie are pleased.
Felicia: Well. No one seems to be saying anything. Kathleen: Hello, Cass. Cass: Hello, Kathleen. Enjoying your SMILEYBURGER? Kathleen: Very much, thank you. (Longish pause.) Felicia: Well, isn't it wonderful we're all going to Sally and Catlin's wedding. I mean they're such nice people. Cass: Yes. Kathleen: Very nice. (Longish pause.) Felicia: Well, you want to know why I like Sally and Catlin so much? Because they never let their egos get in the way of their love. They've had some hard times. And they've always talked about it. TOGETHER. Now, here we are. We're going to their wedding. Isn't that great? Kathleen: Great. Cass: It sure is. (Longish pause.) Felicia: Listen, are you going to just sit-slash-stand here? Because I'll tell you something. Nobody is leaving until you've talked. (Longish pause.) Kathleen: How's Dee? Cass: She's very well. I think she's going to turn out to be quite a lady. Kathleen: Good. Cass: I'm very proud of her. Kathleen: Good. You should be. You're her Pygmalion. Of course he fell in love with his creation, but you wouldn't do that. You wouldn't be so stupid. Cass: Could you save the classical references for some other time? Felicia: Stop it, Cass. Cass: NO. We've talked. Now may we be excused please? Felicia said no but Kathleen said it was very difficult to talk to one who would never change. Cass said yes it was. She rushed back to Jamie. Cass: I hope you're satisfied, Felicia. She mouthed it back at him behind his back in that way people have.
Mac thinks Rachel's dress is wrong for the occasion. He suggested Ada drop a hint to that effect to Rachel but she refused to. Rachel appeared. She asked to be told about Sally and Catlin so's not to be embarrassed at the wedding. Mac said Sally was art director and Catlin worked at the hospital and they were good and sweet and kind-to-dumb-animals sort of thing. And they all hope they'll live happily-ever-after. Rachel said she hoped so too then. Ada left. Rachel asked Mac if she looked stunning. Mac said she did that.
Liz was distraught to find Sally still in her robe. Sally pointed out she'd told her to take off the dress. Liz sent her to get dressed to go to the church. (Sally: Why are you so grouchy? Liz: I am not grouchy. I am Virgo, and thorough.) Zane came to the door looking for Catlin. Liz deduced he'd come from Peter and sent him to the cabin. (Directions: You take highway 30 quite a distance and you get to Lincoln Way. Take a left. You go three mailboxes. The third mailbox, that's his driveway on the right.) Zane departed and Aunt Liz immediately set up a cry of "SALLY. SALLY, WE HAVE TO HURRY." She insisted they had to start the wedding early. Sally: Aunt Liz, you haven't even changed your dress yet. Liz: It doesn't matter what I wear just so long as you and Catlin get married. (Exit Liz.) Sally: Aunt Liz, you're acting crazy. Why does that surprise me?
Mac thinks they should leave. He showed Rachel a picture of them from their first wedding. Rachel laughed and said "Look at me. Look at my clothes." Mac said indignantly she looked beautiful. He said it had been the happiest day of his life. She started talking about herself in the photograph in the third person. "She really loves him, doesn't she?" Mac said he loved her more than his own life. She said she wished she knew what it was like to love somebody like she did. Mac said everything would be all right in time. He tried to kiss her but she said they'd better go.
Catlin's all dressed up. Still on hot bricks. Larry is still not helping any. For the record Catlin is sort of beginning to talk like Ben. The lights flickered. Clarice dashed in and said Blaine and Sandy were grounded and Salt Lake City and they won't be able to make it. Catlin's disappointed. Blaine and Sandy aren't thrilled either apparently. Liz arrived. Catlin instantly asked if Sally were there. Liz said she was. She's raving about the rain and she and Clarice said he was handsome (those two women. They dote on him). Clarice tried to tell Catlin Zane had called but Liz interrupted her. She said she thought they should have the wedding εὐθύς (immediately) because the sooner they're married the sooner they can go on their honeymoon. (I don't think this woman is aware to what use the time alone she's been arranging constantly for Catlin and Sally has been put.) Catlin thinks he can afford to wait another 40 minutes. Larry thinks they can wait for the guests to arrive. The lights went out. Liz is frantically upset. Clarice said they couldn't have a wedding in the dark. Larry said they'd have to put it off until the lights came back on. Liz said OH, NO and rushed off, knocking over a great many things. Choir stands. Everyone's mystified by her behaviour. She's going to talk to the reverend.
The lights are off at Smiley's. Maisie's going to get ready to go to the wedding.
Jamie told Kathleen Cass was still staring at her. They decided to leave.
Cass said things about Jamie and Kathleen "flaunting it." Felicia told him to dry up and reminded him that Jamie's dating MJ. Cass said no doubt that made it more interesting for all concerned. They left.
Ada and Perry and Nancy arrived. Nancy asked Clarice what she thought about Lilane. Clarice asked who Lilane was. Perry: NANCY. Nancy: You guys didn't tell her? CATLIN. Perry: Sssh. Clarice: So, who's Lilane? Catlin: Yeah? WHO'S LILANE? Nancy: Hey, don't play innocent with me, Catlin Ewing. Just 'cause you're getting married. Perry: Nancy . . . Liz appeared bearing candles. They all trooped out to get more. Clarice asked Liz about Zane. Liz said she'd sent Zane to the cabin but didn't explain her motives. The organist arrived and said she couldn't play without electricity. Catlin said perhaps they should postpone the wedding a while longer because Sally loved the music. Liz went into a panic and rushed off.
Zane and Brittany are driving up to the cabin in the storm. Brittany's in a state. She doesn't like the storm. She thought about being on the boat with Evan and storm and yelling.
Perry and Jamie are ushing. Cass is looking daggers at Jamie. Liz got a guitarist (the reverend's son-in-law). Mac and Rachel arrived. Rachel introduced herself to Perry. Nancy made faces about the dress behind her back. Mac went to see about Sally. (Liz: What on earth is Rachel Cory wearing? Alice: You should talk. You've been in the same dress all day. Liz: Well I don't look like a hussy. Alice: AUNT LIZ.) Kevin said he didn't want to carry the rings. Alice convinced him to. They went to see Sally. Cass couldn't take Jamie and Kathleen any more. He stomped out. The beginnings of the procession began to trickle in. Kevin.
Zane and Brittany got to the cabin. She dashed to the mantelpiece and snatched at a photograph of Sally and Catlin together. Zane told her Catlin was getting married and she looked mad. Vengeful. He told her they'd stop the wedding.
Clarice. Sally & Mac. Mac turned Sally over to Catlin and the ceremony began. "Friends. Sally and Catlin have asked us to join them as they come before God declare their love for each other openly and to unite themselves in the vows of holy matrimony." They looked at each other and smiled.
In his book, some Abroads were worse than others, and rock bottom, so far as he was concerned, was Majorca.
"It is full of bookies' widows, the overspill from Blackpool fish and chip shops," was his often-repeated verdict on this island paradise, "and mad black-haired women throwing themselves about, clacking castanets at you."
My father: Men who commit bigamy should be given some kind of psychiatric examination . . . and then they should be given some sort of medal, I guess. (Unsolicited opinion on bigamists, soon to encompass Catlin.)