CHAPTER 15 ^^^^^^^^^^ The double wood-finished doors to Ten-Forward opened up with a familiar hissing sound, and Tasha walked into the lounge. And indeed, it was a lounge, moreso than the Ten-Forward that had been on her Enterprise. Her's had been constantly filled with officers, the ringing of voices calling over the comm system and the chatter of many conversations. Here though, it was more subdued. There were no more than fifteen people in the lounge, grouped together in twos or threes, or individuals just sitting alone quietly. The lighting was softer and it truly looked like a place you'd want to relax at the end of a long day or between shifts. And this was why she'd come. This morning Dr. Crusher had come by her quarters to talk, to see how she was doing. Tasha told her of the helpful -- yet emotionally jarring -- holographic eulogy she'd watched the previous night. Beverly said Data had been his usual thoughtful self, but reminded her that she wasn't the Tasha Yar that had been aboard this ship, and it wasn't necessary to become her, that they were all ready to accept her for who she was. Tasha understood that and told Beverly she wasn't trying to become the Tasha Yar she knew -- she just wanted to know who that Yar had been and what she meant to the crew. Beverly seemed to accept that. Then she suggested Tasha should get out and walk around to get some exercise. "You certainly haven't gotten any of that for a long time," she'd said. So Tasha had gone out to get some exercise. Her first stop was a walk to the barbershop, where a talkative Bolian named Mot gave her a hair cut. She didn't get it cut as short as she'd once worn it long ago -- just to her shoulders. "You're a vision," Mot had said when he'd finished. Tasha left the barbershop with a smile. From there, she visited the arboretum, then dropped by Engineering to visit Geordi briefly, watched the children at the school and even went to the holodeck. There, she'd called up the Bridge of the Enterprise-C. But she wasn't sure what good that would do her, so she cancelled the program quickly and went off to find a turbolift that would whisk her to Deck 10. And here she was, in Ten-Forward. She stood there briefly, just beyond the threshold of the doorway and glanced around the room, as if looking for someone. Then, a hint of disappointment crossed her face and she went over to a vacant table near one of the big windows. She sat down. Out the viewing ports to the left was the bright green glow of the forest moon. Then she sensed someone approach her table and she turned around. It was Guinan. "Hello, Tasha," the hostess said warmly. "Guinan," Tasha smiled. "I looked around but I didn't see you." "I stepped out for a moment," the El-Aurian said. Then she whispered, "Had to answer the call of Nature." Tasha was pleased that Guinan's friendly and casual demeanor was still present in this time-line. "Please, sit down." Guinan sat. Tasha looked at the enigmatic woman for a time. "I'm not exactly sure why I wanted to see you." "I understand," Guinan said, as if she actually did. "You never knew Tasha Yar, did you?" "No. She died before I came on board. But I've done a little homework. I may not have known her personally, but I know who she is now." "I'm not her, though," Tasha said. Guinan frowned. "Of course you are. You may have existed in different realities, but you're still the same person. In this time-line, she died. In yours, you didn't." "But I'm existing in a reality where Tasha Yar is dead." "A technicality," Guinan said with a wave of her hand. Tasha shook her head. "How can you say that?" "Because it's true," the hostess said. "You had the same parents, the same birthplace, you both joined Starfleet. Events in the different time-lines gave you unique experiences, but the only difference that counts is our Tasha died and you didn't." "I think there's more to it than that," Tasha said. "Yes, there is -- but why worry about it? It'll only give you a headache. You," Guinan said, pointing a finger at her, "are Tasha Yar, one-hundred percent. And don't let anyone tell you otherwise." She glanced over at the bar. "Now, if you'll excuse me, it appears my services are required elsewhere." She stood up, that vague smile still on her face, and went over to the bar, where she immediately began speaking to a few of the people sitting there. A moment later, the hostess was mixing a drink of some kind, her audience watching intently. The door hissed open and Tasha turned to see a man enter with a young boy. They crossed the room and went to a table two down from Tasha's. It was strange seeing civilians on this ship, she thought. Of course, this man could be an off-duty officer spending time with his son, but on her travels on the ship today, she had seen civilians, children and families. This ship had a real community feel to it, and that was something that had been lacking on her Enterprise. Her ship had been a battleship -- nothing more, nothing less. Tasha turned her head again as the lounge doors parted again, and saw Captain Picard walk in. He scanned the room briefly, spotted her, then headed towards her table. As he came, she noted some of the other patrons glancing up or nodding at him. Some had curious looks on their faces, as if Ten-Forward was not a place Picard frequented often. "Good morning, Captain," she said, and gestured for him to sit down in the chair Guinan had occupied a short time ago. "Good morning," Picard returned the greeting. "How are you feeling today?" "Much better," Tasha said. "Dr. Crusher is amazing -- in any time-line." Picard smiled briefly, but the smile faded as quickly. "Natasha...." he began, but a waiter breezed to the table and asked if anyone wanted anything. Picard glanced at Tasha, but she shook her head. He ordered tea for himself. The waiter, Ben, smiled. "Earl Grey, hot?" "Yes, please," Picard said, and Ben went off to fill the order. The captain looked back at Tasha and opened his mouth to continue, but she interrupted him politely. "Maybe you should wait." She nodded past him and Picard turned to see Ben returning to the table already. "Early Grey -- hot," the young man said as he set the cup and saucer in front of the captain. "Thank you," Picard said. Ben nodded and left with a wide grin. Tasha suspected the waiter didn't have too many opportunities to serve the captain of the ship. Picard sipped his tea and winced as the liquid seared his tongue. "That's hot." "As ordered," Tasha pointed out. "Indeed." Picard set his cup down to let it cool for a few moments. "The reason I came to see you was....to apologize." "Apologize?" Tasha asked. "For what?" "Well, I somehow feel responsible for all the hardships you've had to endure over the years." "Captain, you can't blame yourself for a decision an alternate version of yourself made. And I don't blame him, either. Sending me back in time wasn't something he did arbitrarily -- it was my request and he granted it. I don't know if my presence helped restore history, but it *was* restored and I *had* to be there." "But, if I hadn't allowed--" "*You* didn't have anything to do with it," Tasha told him pointedly. "Then, if *he* hadn't--" "But he did, Captain." She reached forward and placed a hand on one of his own and smiled. "Life is full of 'if's'. I wanted to go and the decision was made. That's the end of it. You're not responsible." "Very well," Picard said, though he didn't sound convinced. He remembered Guinan's conversation with him shortly after he'd met Sela for the first time, and she'd told him that *he* had sent Tasha Yar back into the past. At the time, she'd been a little confused herself, but clearly she hadn't been speaking literally. Sure, Jean-Luc Picard, captain of the U.S.S. Enterprise, had sent Tasha Yar back in time -- but it hadn't been *him*. Sort of. Picard shook the thought away -- he didn't want to open that can of worms again. He picked up his cup and sipped his tea, easily swallowing the beverage. Tasha was watching him. "Better?" "Much better," Picard said and took another sip. He set the cup down again. "I like your hair." "Oh," Tasha said, smiling. She was taken aback by the unexpected compliment and touched the hair at her shoulders reflexively. "Thank you. Mr. Mot did a fine job." "How are you settling in?" Picard asked. "Fairly well. You have a beautiful ship, Captain. I was thinking earlier that it is much more like a community than my Enterprise was." "It adds a certain amount of additional pressure and responsibility, especially when we're in some potentially hazardous situations." "I can imagine," Tasha said. "But you've managed to survive this long. You should be proud." The captain smiled. "I am. I'm proud of my ship and the crew that runs her." He felt much more, but he couldn't express it in words. They sat there in awkward silence for a moment, cognizant of the fact they both knew each other, but were, in a way, complete strangers. "Have you thought about what you might do now, career-wise?" Picard asked. Tasha shook her head. "Not really. Obviously, my days as a tactical officer are over. I don't know what I'm going to do. Maybe I'll retire and relax in the Canadian Rockies -- write a book, or something. I've been away from Starfleet for so long, I feel distanced from it. And your Starfleet is a different thing all together than the one I joined. My Starfleet was all about war with the Klingons. I'm not sure if I'd be able to function properly here." "Nonsense," Picard said. "You can't be an active starship officer, but you could do wonders elsewhere." Tasha smiled wryly. "You mean a desk job. No, my days in Starfleet are over. I don't even know if Starfleet will even accept who I am. As far as they're concerned, Tasha Yar is dead -- and they're right. Besides, I served the Fleet well during my tenure. My last heroic act was saving the galaxy as you know it. What more could they ask for." Picard smiled and nodded his head. "It would be rather hard to top that one." Tasha looked out the window at the stars and the moon below. "Why are we still here?" she wondered. "You've recovered Spock, and me -- what's left?" "I suppose to be given the final word from Starfleet," Picard said. "They don't know about you yet." As if on cue, the lounge doors parted and Marta Batanides walked in. She spotted Picard almost immediately and started walking over. "It looks like that's about to change," Tasha noted, recognizing the uniform of a Starfleet admiral. Picard stood up as his old friend approached the table. "Hello, Captain," Marta said. She glanced at Tasha, and her eyebrows knitted slightly, as if she recognized the woman with Picard but couldn't quite place her. "Admiral Batanides," Picard said, "it is my honor to introduce to you Lieutenant Natasha Yar." Marta automatically stretched her hand out towards Tasha to shake her hand. It was always a pleasure to meet one of Jean-Luc Picard's friends and fellow officers. And then she realized what Picard had actually said. Her steady, outstretched arm faltered slightly as she saw the resemblance in the face of the woman in front of her. But then logic took over. Tasha Yar had been much younger than this woman. Besides that, Yar was *dead*! Picard placed a hand on her shoulder. "I know what you're thinking, Marta, but believe me, it's true." Marta, her eyes glued to Tasha Yar, sank down into Picard's chair and said, "I think someone needs to give me an explanation." The three of them left Ten-Forward and went one deck down to Picard's quarters. There, the captain directed them to his couch and they all found a comfortable spot and sat down. Picard proceeded to explain the whole story, as Guinan and Sela had explained it, along with the new details discovered just recently. At one point, Tasha picked up the narrative when the story moved to her experiences in the past, and then Picard concluded the tale with Sela's most recent visit. "Sela was here?" Tasha asked. "Yes," said Picard. "She came to tell me about you." "I find that hard to believe, Captain. I saw her outside my cell on Tomin. She knew I was there and did nothing about it." "I don't think that's true, Tasha," said Picard. "She told me she thought you were dead all those years, that that was what her father told her. She saw you alive for the first time in Spock's cell, and it was not long afterwards that she told me about it." Yar didn't appear convinced. "Sela once told me that she hated you for betraying her father, and for trying to take her away from her home. She said everything in her that was human died the day you were executed. Obviously those feelings did not prepare her for the discovery that you were alive and had been treated inhumanely all those years. She felt compassion for you, Tasha." Tasha sat quietly, considering that. Through the bars of her cell, Tasha remembered seeing the anguish and pain in her daughter's face, but she thought that had something to do with having her hair pulled by a raving old woman. Could it instead have been shock at seeing her mother alive and living in squalor? Picard seemed convinced. "All right," Marta said. "I've listened to everything you two have told me, and I'm willing to believe you. Stranger things than temporal rifts have been found in this galaxy of ours. But I still don't see how it's possible. Are you really Tasha Yar? I mean, *really* Tasha Yar?" Tasha remembered what Guinan had told her. "I'm as much Tasha Yar as the woman who was killed on Vagra II seven years ago." The admiral shook her head. "I've been away from starship command for a long time, Johnny," Marta said, inadvertently using Picard's nickname. "This isn't something I run into every day." "I don't either, Admiral," Picard said. "But what we've told you is true. It did happen. Most of the time I don't believe it myself, but I have trust in those who would tell me it happened, as you must have with us." Marta looked dubious and shook her head again. "Starfleet is gonna have kittens when I tell them this," she said. "Or laugh me right into retirement." "If necessary, we can have Ambassador Spock perform a mind-meld on Tasha to confirm everything we've said," Picard told his doubtful friend. "Surely they'll accept his word." He glanced at Tasha and she nodded her approval of that idea. "That would help," Marta mused. Then she stood up, Picard and Tasha doing likewise. "All right, Captain. I'll transcribe what I've heard just now and send it to Starfleet Command. If I need to clarify any points, I'll let you know. In the meantime, the Enterprise will have to stay here in orbit until we hear from Command." "Understood," said Picard. Marta turned to Tasha and held out her hand again. This time, Yar had a chance to accept it and the two women shook firmly. "It was a pleasure to meet you, Tasha." "Likewise, Admiral," Tasha said. Picard walked Marta to the door. "I appreciate your acceptance of this, Marta. It will help having you in our corner." "My pleasure," Marta said with a sparkling smile. "I'll see you." She walked off down the corridor and Picard returned to where Tasha was sitting. "Well, that went fairly well," he said. "She accepted it easier than I expected," Tasha admitted. "Marta has always had an open mind about things," Picard said. Tasha smiled at the opening she'd been given. "What's this 'Johnny' thing all about?" she asked. "If you don't mind my asking." Picard groaned softly, a smile of embarrassment crossing his face. "We went to the Academy together," Picard explained. "It was just her nickname for me, that's all. There's no hidden meaning in it whatsoever." They sat in silence for a long moment, then Tasha looked over at Picard. "What do you think of Sela?" "She's very much like you in some ways," Picard said. "Her voice and her facial features are exactly like yours. In fact, when I first saw her on the Bridge's viewscreen, the first word out of my mouth was 'Tasha'. Of course, she has the pointed ears, and that sets you apart." Tasha nodded. "When she was growing up, I used to comb her hair in front of a mirror, and I can remember thinking that she looked exactly like I did at that age." "She can also have a lethal edge to her that can prove to be deadly," Picard said. "Four years ago she helped incite a Klingon civil war that would have opened up a rift between the Federation and the Klingon Empire. We put an end to that. Then she was involved in an ambitious plan to invade Vulcan, using Spock's mission of reunification between the Vulcan and Romulan people as the key. With Spock's help, we put an end to that as well." Tasha smiled, in spite of herself. "So, you and your crew have been a thorn in her side for a number of years." Picard nodded. "However, the Vulcan invasion fiasco was the last we'd heard of her until just recently. It would appear that her latest plan to throw a wrench into Spock's plans has proven futile as well." "As a child, she always did things without thinking them through properly,"ĘTasha said. "I remember one time she climbed a tree -- it was the tallest one around where we lived. It had to have been about ten to fifteen metres high. She climbed right to the top, then realized she was afraid of heights and couldn't climb down. We eventually had to transport her back to the ground." "Your time on Romulus was not all bad, it would seem," Picard noted. "Only because of Sela," Tasha told him. "But make no mistake. From the moment I made that bargain with her father, I knew I would not be staying there long. I might be there weeks, months, even years, but I was not going to stay there the rest of my life as some high-ranking officer's mistress. If Sela hadn't come into the picture, I probably would have left sooner. But when she was born, I had to raise her. She needed a mother. And I knew then that whenever I decided to leave, she would be coming with me." "Unfortunately, it was she who gave you away," Picard said. Tasha nodded. "I remember the disbelief in her father's eyes when he caught me, the hurt. And then the anger. I didn't blame him for how he felt back then, and I still don't. But I wish he had executed me, as he'd told Sela. Those years in that cell were difficult. I felt my humanity ebbing away the longer I was there.... But like Sela, I'm headstrong. My will to survive was what kept me alive. I kept thinking that if I stayed alive another day, an opportunity might arise where I might be able to escape, or someone might come to rescue me. And finally, someone did." "It was a long wait," Picard said. Tasha nodded. "I knew my persistence would prevail some day. It may have been wishful thinking on my part, but it kept me going." "Here's to your iron will," he said, and lifted his arm in a toast, even though he held no glass. Tasha nodded and said, "Here-here." She smiled and leaned back against the couch, immersing herself in its comfort. "You know, during my imprisonment, I often imagined what would have happened if I'd gotten away from Romulus with Sela. I could see myself raising Sela as a human child, resuming my career in Starfleet. I wondered how different Sela would be today if I'd raised her, instead of her father." "I imagine she would have been an exceptional young woman, much like her mother," Picard said. "She might very well be in Starfleet herself. But," he added, "thinking about what might have been is never good for the mind." "I know," Tasha said with a light chuckle. "That's why I stopped thinking about it a decade or so ago. But I can remember the feeling of hurt I felt when Sela cried out that night. She was my daughter, and I loved her, yet she had given me up just like that. I felt betrayed -- just as her father felt towards me, I suppose. But I couldn't blame her. I understood what she must have been thinking. Afterwards I cursed myself for not preparing well enough; why didn't I give Sela a mild tranquilizer instead of waking her up? I asked myself that question over and over again." "Suppose you *had* sedated her," Picard mused. "You still might have been caught trying to acquire a shuttle." "No," Tasha said. "I was planning on taking one of the family's private shuttle's. I could see it in the distance as Sela cried out." She shook her head. "What's done is done." At that moment, the comm beeped and Data's voice sounded over Picard's combadge. *"Data to Captain Picard."* "Picard here." *"Captain, I have uncovered a lead in Cortin Zweller's disappearance you may find of interest. Can you come to my quarters?"* "I'm on my way," Picard said. He stood up and Tasha did likewise. "That's all right, Captain," she said. "I should be going as well." They went to the door together, then stepped out. "Enjoy your day, Tasha," Picard said. Tasha thanked him, then they walked off down the corridor in opposite directions. Data was sitting behind his computer console when Picard entered. The android seemed to be surrounded by electronics. "Captain, your expediency is quite remarkable," Data noted. "Thank you, Mr. Data," Picard said hurriedly. "Now, what have you found?" "After extensive digging in Federation shipping databases, I uncovered a detail that may prove to be a clue to Ensign Zweller's disappearance." "Well, what is it?" "Thirteen hours after Zweller headed east from his home, a Nausicaan short range vessel apparently left Earth orbit and headed in the direction of the Nausicaan homeworld." "Short-range? It must have been going to rendezvous with a mother ship," Picard said. "That would be the logical assumption," Data agreed. Picard's brow furrowed. "Mr. Data, how could this information have been so deeply hidden?" "I do not know, sir. Perhaps the Nausicaans were responsible for burying the file, but were unable to delete it entirely. Or perhaps it was merely a coincidence." "Or a cover-up," Picard mused. Data looked puzzled. "Sir?" "Starfleet knew about the incident at Earhart. Now, if they also knew about the Nausicaan message Corey received on the Ajax, and connected it with his disappearance, they may have turned a blind eye in the hopes that with the Nausicaans' appetite for revenge abated, it would prevent any further hostilities that might arise. Certainly, war with the Nausicaans would not have been an appealing prospect." "Would war have resulted from that one incident, sir?" "You would think not," Picard said. "But if they had made a big enough deal about it at home, who knows what would have happened." He paused briefly. "Let's assume they took Corey back to Nausicaa, Mr. Data. What are our options?" "Our first and easiest route would be to--" *"Riker to Captain Picard."* Picard grimaced at the interruption. "Go ahead." *"Sir, Admiral Batanides wants to see you and Tasha in her office immediately."* "Damn," whispered Picard. "Acknowledged. Picard out." Data observed that the captain looked torn between embarking on a quest to find his missing friend, and obeying his other friend, who happened to be his superior officer. "Mr. Data, hold that thought. I'm afraid Tasha's fate takes priority. We'll talk later." "Aye, sir." Marta Batanides took a deep breath when the door chime to her office twittered, and she let it out slowly. She wasn't looking forward to this. "Come in," she said, with little enthusiasm. The heavy door slid aside and Jean-Luc Picard and Natasha Yar walked in. Marta motioned them forward, but she didn't have to say anything. Picard saw it on her face. "They didn't believe you," the captain said. Marta nodded. "I tried, Captain, but they wouldn't listen. They couldn't believe something they knew I was having trouble believing myself." "I don't blame them," Tasha said placidly. Picard shook his head. "What now?" "They want you both back on Earth. They're convening a board of inquiry, and they'll make a final decision." "On what?" Picard demanded. "Whether or not Tasha is who she claims to be?" "I know who I am, Admiral," Tasha said. "No board of inquiry can tell me I'm not." "Actually, they can," Marta said. "If they decide in all their wisdom that there's no way you can be Tasha Yar's alternate self, then you'll be marked a Romulan spy or something contrite like that." "Unbelievable," Picard muttered with contempt. "Absolutely unbelievable." "They have agreed to your suggestion of a mind-meld between Spock and Tasha," Marta said, "but only after their own investigation fails to convince them." "When do we leave," Tasha asked, ready for this fiasco to get started. "Right now. The Enterprise has been ordered to be your chariot," Marta said flippantly. "The Enterprise?" Picard said. "But...." Marta looked at him. "But what?" "We've uncovered a lead Corey's possible fate." "What lead?" "He may have been taken to Nausicaa," Picard told her. "I was hoping to take the Enterprise there to investigate." "Out of the question," Marta said, and then started thinking. She wanted to know what happened to Corey as much as Picard did. And maybe there was a way both missions could be completed. "All right, here's the deal," she said. "Captain, you have to take the Enterprise back to Earth with Tasha and Spock -- that's a given. I have a runabout here. I'll go to Nausicaa." "You?" Picard blurted. "Yes, me," Marta answered. "You don't think I still have what it takes to lead an away mission?" "No, I...." Picard stammered. "What I meant was....it's just, I didn't expect *you* to volunteer for the mission." "I know what you meant, Johnny -- oops -- I mean, Captain." She smiled and glanced at Tasha, who smiled in return. Apparently the two women enjoyed seeing Picard all flustered. "You're not going alone," Picard said, hoping to move the conversation along. "Are you ordering me, Captain? A superior officer?" Picard was about to say no, but he believed that would send him into another trap. "Yes," he said in his most commanding tone. "I am." "Well, you have nothing to worry about," Marta said. "I'll be taking Commander Data and Lieutenant Worf with me." Picard was momentarily surprised that she would just recruit his officers like that, but figured it was probably a good idea. Besides, she was an admiral -- she had the power to do it. "Very well," he said. "We'll return to the ship and I'll inform Data and Worf about their new assignment." Marta nodded. "Bon chance, Captain," she said as Picard and Tasha turned for the door. Picard paused and looked back at his old friend, honored that she had used his ancestral language. He smiled. "And to you, Admiral."