ae606@FreeNet.Carleton.CA (Victoria Edwards) 3/19/96
Safer Sex Update:
Values Clarification on AIDS and Sexuality Michael Graydon, AIDS Education
Coordinator AIDS Committee of Ottawa
BACKGROUND ON THE AIDS Committee of Ottawa (ACO)
As an organization we are involved in direct service delivery,
intervention as working for social change.  We believe strongly that this
is a useful and necessary balance. Gaylines, by their very nature are doing
similar work by providing services and creating structures and
institutions within society. As an educator (and as an organization) we
believe ours is a racist, homophobic, hetersosexist,
classist and sexist culture - case closed, no discussion.  It is
these issues, as much if not more so than any other which create the
barriers for lesbians, gay men and bisexuals in making healthy change in
their lives.
The realities are such that when someone arrives at the ACO as an
HIV positive person, HIV is just more
weight on their back.  They have already had to deal with layers
of oppression throughout their lives; HIV
becomes one more issue to be dealt with. As an educator for gay, bi-  and
men who have sex with men (MWHSWM) I work very closely with
our Women's Project (WP).  I believe strongly that the creation
of connections with women's projects is vitally important.  Through the
sharing of information and resources we are able to make the connections
about our shared health concerns and work in tandem within a
broader context.
Working with bi and MWHSWM men I am in fact working with the
men who are the greatest risk factor for the women the WP works with.
this relationship recognizes for example that such men will "take home"
various STD's that may place the women in their lives at grave risk.
TERMS:    WHAT I MEAN WHEN I SAY . . .
Gay:   Signifies a largely white, middle class phenomeno
World:  North America, Western Europe and Australia
Sex Talk:  It is important to talk about sex by using the
words we use when we actually have sex; making private talk, public, thus
making a greater connection with how sex actually happens.  Sex exists on a
continuum where things can feel good, feel bad, smell good, smell bad, our
choices get respected or not, etc.  When we use "sex talk", in an attempt
to make if more "real" we run the risk of wounding women (in our context,
lesbians) in that most sexual language is abusive and insulting to women
i.e., we have lots of positive terms for penis while most terms for
vagina are insulting, abusive.
Responsibility:  When we use this word we know to always ask ourselves
about our assumptions about what responsibility actually means (the underlying
values) and that a person also has the skills to put this into practise
(for example a married man who has sex with men might believe that
being responsible means protecting his social status as a
heterosexual and not necessarily protecting himself from HIV).
SAFER SEX:
I work with an expanded notion of safer sex i.e., sexual safety:
encompasses a broader range of issues; social, environmental, etc. beyond
merely protecting oneself from HIV (for example a man might have sex in a
park, fuck with condoms but in the end get arrested, fall off a cliff, pick
up some other STD or have some negative impact on his sense of self worth)
also recognizes the incorporation into our message of feminist analyses of
sex by addressing issues of power, spousal violence, choice, etc., in
addition our concerns about HIV
we also recognize the rights and necessity of HIV positive
people to continue to be sexual beings while although they have particular
issues, their overall right to be sexual is identical to those that
are HIV negative
RISK:
Safer sex practises are ranked according their relative
level of risk for HIV transmission.
Risk is no fun, risk is scary, but risk is often how we learn.
Risk is based on looking at the theoretical probability for
HIV transmission and balancing this against that actual, practical evidence
of infection through a particular sex act (for example, you could
(theoretically) get HIV from kissing but no one ever has thus we consider
it to be no risk).
Kissing is a good example of how there is some risk of
getting HIV but actually becoming infected through kissing is pretty much
impossible.  To become infected with any virus you have get
sufficient virus into you body to establish an infection and
kissing simply is not a good way to do this.  There is HIV virus in saliva
but very, very little - saliva is actually a fairly hostile place for HIV -
the saliva of a person with HIV is actually full of HIV
anti-bodies.  One scientist theorized that to
become infected through kissing you would have to swallow
four litres of spit - difficult to do given
how long this would take and the fact that the human body
only makes 1.5 litres of saliva a day -you'd have to kiss for days.
You could theoretically get HIV from oral sex and some people have (men
who've had sex with men), thus we consider it to be low risk.
You could quite readily get HIV from intercourse, fucking,
vaginally, anal, butt fucking and many, many people did. Thus we consider
it to be very high risk.
The risk continuum allows people to make choices and perhaps
continue to have sex that may present some low risks and no high ones.
The risk is not so much that HIV gets into your body but in
your body and into your blood stream - that is the real issue and its a
fairly complicated process.
SAFER SEX AND LESBIANS:
The larger safer sex debate has ill-served lesbians in that
it has even scared them to death or told them no to worry at all.  Like
many women's health concerns, they have been given a low priority.
The debate has focused almost exclusively on oral sex and
the dental dam debate - as if all lesbians did was go down on each other.
The debate has also made the bizarre distinction that men
going down on women and lesbians going down on each other is somehow
"different."
WHAT WE KNOW RE: SAFER SEX AND LESBIANS
Two 1993 studies in San Francisco found that the vast
majority of lesbians and bi women who were HIV positive had as their primary
risk factor sex with men and/or injection drug use and evidence for woman
to woman transmission.
It is difficult to get statistics on lesbians as authorities
tend to discount their identity i.e., classifying them as women (not
lesbians) and/or using any hint (no matter how obscure) of other risk factors
i.e., sex with men in the past as the source of infection.
The number of women with HIV where we don't know the source is much higher
than the number of men.
There is evidence that major risks for lesbians are sex with
men, IV drug use, sharing sex toys, and assault.
ISOLATION ISSUES:
Various studies are making it clear that if you live in a
supportive, safe, information rich environment that
affirms and supports you as lesbian/gay/bi; and also where you
received lots of support for safer sex (safer
becomes the "norm") from your peers, your popular culture, etc.,
you are extremely likely to practise safer sex.
The more distant, removed or isolated from such a community,
the likelihood you'll play safe is diminished.
Isolation can be a factor of geography, class, ability,
literacy, culture, comfort with your sexuality, race, etc.
It is also possible to live in the heart of such a community
and feel completely isolated from it i.e., some young lesbian living in the
suburbs who thinks she's the only one, even if kd lang came out,
i.e., kd lang has no relevance for her and she has no access
to the lesbian/gay community.
This isolation must be countered at each and every turn.
YOUR SKIN:
Your skin is your biggest organ (you may think you have a
bigger one but you don't) and it is impenetrable if it is unbroken, healthy
skin.
If you have no cuts or a skin condition like psoriasis (a
skin condition that could give access to the blood stream), you can put
your finger into somebodies butt or vagina quite safely.
If you do have cuts or a skin problem use a latex glove.
If you're into any kind of fisting (vaginally or in the
butt) use latex gloves as they make the operation much smoother and safer
sex for both parties.
NO RISK SEX EXAMPLES:
The princeton rub: Put lots of lube on your thighs and have
your partner put their dick between the legs and . . . fuck.  You do not
have to use a condom for this as there is no penetration.  This is a
useful alternative for someone who can't stay hard with a
condom on but likes fucking or for someone who loves to get fucked but is
too scared.
Rimming: very low risk for HIV but very high risk for
Hepatitis B (HBV or Hep-B) and parasites.  Your butt is an extremely dirty
place but that does not mean we can't play with them - there is lots of
bacteria that belongs in the ass and when this bacteria gets
into your stomach it can cause lots of problems i.e., intestinal parasites.
Before rimming, wash your butt.  I don't recommend douching (often done
before fucking or fisting) as this strips away lots of good bacteria and
mucous that actually protect us.
I strongly recommend getting a Hep-B shot - most health
units/doctors will give it to people considered to be at high risk for
Heb-B (people with multiple partners, i.e., more than one).  Hep-B
vaccination involves a series of three shots given in a
muscle i.e., upper arm or the top of your butt; After the first one, the
second shot is two months later and the third is four months after that.
People living with HIV in particular should get shots
against Hep-B and also flu shots during flu season.
ORAL SEX - CONFUSION REIGNS
We have some cases of men getting HIV from sucking cock.  We
know of no cases of someone getting HIV from someone going down on them or
sucking them off.  Where we do have men who got HIV this way they all seem
to have had one of the following risk factors; very poor dental
hygiene, gum disease, recent dental surgery and/or they were
sucking 15 to 20 cocks a day, thus getting an enormous number of viruses
into their mouths. I know of no cases of a woman getting HIV from going
down on a woman.
The virus needs to get into your blood stream and if you
have gum disease, recent dental surgery, etc., the virus could very easily
get into the blood stream from oral sex.  Every time we eat, brush
or floss our teeth we tear up the lining in our mouth -
these cuts are not necessarily ones we notice but they still happen.  Such
oral traumas heal in about hour or so as they are very minor, but if you
have bitten the inside of your mouth, have had dental
surgery and/or have a mouth ulcer i.e., canker sore, these types of oral
traumas may take a few days or even weeks to heal.  If you have
just brushed your teeth or have some other cut you may want
to put off oral sex or use an unlubed latex condom or dental dam.  If your
mouth is in good shape there is very little risk of HIV - you may
however, pick up other STDs which you may wish to avoid.
If you are living with HIV in particular you might want to
avoid any other STDs. An extra precaution after going down on a woman or a
man is to rinse your mouth out with a little peroxide and water.
Men in particular should get in the habit of taking a
leak/pissing/urinating after they have been sucked, as this can help flush
out any bacteria that they may have picked up.
The simple act of washing your hands, your vaginal area
and/or cock/balls after sex can help to prevent various infections.
VAGINAL INTERCOURSE, ANAL INTERCOURSE, FUCKING AND CONDOMS:
Given that most people got HIV from fucking without latex
condoms it is vitally important that we try to always or as much as we can
(to the best of our ability) to fuck with latex condoms.
Tops i.e., men who do not get fucked but rather only fuck,
believe that they cannot get HIV because nobody is cumming in them - this
is simply not the case - tops are as much at risk as bottoms.
CONDOMS
There are two kinds of condoms:  Sheep skin and latex.  Only use
latex.  Sheep skin condoms are made from sheep's intestine.  Because it is
a naturally porous membrane it is actually full of holes.  While sperm
cannot pass through these holes as sperm bodies are too large,
there are viruses which are small enough to pass through the pores in sheep
membrane condoms.  Latex condoms come in various kinds but they
all come lubricated or not lubricated:
There is not enough lubrication on a lubed condom to fuck
with. You might be able to start but the lube will dry out and the condom
may break.
Lubrication is therefore vital - when people have called me
saying "IT BROKE" invariably I discover that they did not use any lube
(thereby the condom got stressed and broke), or they used the
wrong kind (thereby damaging the condom in some way).
Therefore, you must use water-based lube i.e., lube made from water like
KY, Astro-Glide, Mucco, Lubifax, etc.  The bottle will state that
the lube is water-based. Do not get water-based lubes
confused with water-soluble lubes which are not based on water but rather
able to be washed off with water and most will damage latex so that it will
either leak or break. Baby oil, mineral oil, massage oils, vaseline, hand
lotions, whipping cream in a can, motor oil, butter,. margarine,
etc., are examples of lubes which can all destroy condoms.
Cold temperatures do not affect condoms - keeping them in
the freezer can be a real attention getter - but heat does affect condoms.
If you keep condoms in your car in summer, on your windowsill in full
sunlight, etc.,  the heat may damage them.
You need to have your dick good and hard and dry before you
put the condom on.  It cannot be wet from spit, lube or too much pre-cum as
these substances could make the condom slip off.
Try not to roll the condom right down into the hair around
the base of your dick because the condom may get caught in the hair and
hurt when you pull it off.
Puts lots of lube on the condom and lots in your partner -
you want to be nice and slippery. Pay attention to what you're doing - if
the condom starts to slip off because the shaft of your cock
is getting slippery, you'll have to stop, take the condom
off, dry off your dick and put on a new one.  If it slips off you'll need
to go get it - if it has slipped off inside someone they will of course
panic and their muscles will tense up - you need to relax and gently reach
in and get the condom.
If a condom has slipped off or broke do not douche, hoping
to wash out any virus or bacteria. Douching will only send whatever body
fluids are inside you, farther up inside your body.  You might also cut
yourself with the douche nozzle and give access to the blood stream.
If you cum inside your partner, hold onto the condom when
you pull out - the condom is now full of fluid (pre-cum and cum) and could
very easily slip off.
If you pull out before you cum and cum on your partner's
body, do not cum near or on the opening of their vagina or ass.
Do not throw condoms in the toilet as they will ruin the
plumbing.
LEATHER, SM, ROLE PLAYING, ETC:
If you draw blood, wipe up carefully, use gloves to do so.
If you're tattooing, scarring or piercing, use alcohol wipes
on the area (nipples for example first) and make sure any equipment is good
and clean.
If you're planning a scene where someone may be bound or
restrained, make sure ahead of time that they do not need to take
medication (insulin for example), food or bathroom breaks at very
particular times.
If you're using any kind of restraint or suspension, make
sure you allow for blood flow and do not put pressure on internal organs.
As with all sexual situations (SM, vanilla or whatever), no
means no and no is an absolute.
--
It is not economical to go to bed early to save the candles if the result
is twins. Chinese Proverb