ae606 C.L.I.T. Comprehensive Lesbian Image Test by Tori Joseph HUMOUR In our culture, it used to be that a woman was either gay or she wasn`t. Nowadays we have so many words to describe ourselves, it would take a taskforce of PhDs in queer vernacular of the day, or a very skilled clairvoyant to decipher them all. WARNING - Do not confer with your significant other on answers. Doing so may be detrimental to your relationship. Match the following concepts with their definitions listed below. _ born to be a lesbian _ converted lesbian _ lesbian by choice _ bisexual _ transsexual _ fluid sexual identity a) a former hetrosexual whi finally admitted her disillusionment, dumped her husband & bacame a lesbian b) a woman who possesses the yet to be found lesbian gene c) only her surgeon knows for sure d) a woman who has experimented with both males & females before deciding on the better sex e) a free spirit who wants her (beef) cake and Edith, Suzie, Mary and other females too. ******************** Check all that apply 1. Hard butches _ are domineering, controlling and intimidating hairy women with permanent scowl lines embedded in their faces, who scare people on sight - never commit, they only conquer - are synonymous with stone butches, bull dykes, big foot and Neanderthals - are led to believe they have power over women 2. Butches _ are female Fonzies _ are notorious for leading many straight women to convert _ really do carve notches in their bed posts _ make excellent charm school teachers 3. Soft butches _ are wannabe butches who just can`t get the attiture right _ are butches with sensitivity training _ are butches who have been soaked in downy _ all of the above 4. Hard femmes _ are femmes who work out _ are butches in training _ are butches who look better in a dress _ are femmes who have been burned by too many butches 5. Femmes _ have fingernails and know how to use them _ have the power and know how to use it _ are infamous for bringing butches to their knees _ enjoy being mistaken for being straight 6. Soft femmes _ are femmes you can sink your teeth into _ are femmes who need to join a heath club _ are femmes who whisper a lot _ are novices 7. Gender benders _ are butches who wear evening gowns _ look better in boxer shorts than most men _ when packing, fill out the front of jeans better than most men _ make everyone do a double take 8. Androgynous women _ have both male & female characteristics _ have neither male or female characteristics _ are the undiscovered third sex _ are transgenderists ********************** Read the statements below & decide if each is true, false or you`d rather not say... _ Tops are preferably either butch or femme _ Being topped by a femme is a peak experience for a butch _ Being topped by a butch is redundant _ The taller woman is always the top _ Good tops are hard to find _ Good tops are hard to tie down _ Topps is a brand of baseball cards _ Bottoms up is a contradiction in terms _ Being a dime a dozen, bottoms are very cost effective _ It is not fair to switch in the middle _ A switch is a woman equally skilled with both hands _ A switch is a woman who has trouble making up her mind _ Switches do not really need a partner _ A fiery woman who switches should be nicknames a "hot cross bun" ********************** Check the correct answer Conventional sex is called _ vanilla _ chocolate _ strawberry _ rocky road Sado-masochism is _ politically correct _ politically incorrect _ a non-political _ a famous sumo wrestler B&D refers to _ breakfast & dinner _ blind & deaf _ a true, erotic experience A submissive _ is a female submarine commander _ takes it lying down _ knows it`s better to surrender than fight _ is a piece of writing sent for publication Domination refers to _ a spotted dog _ having the upper hand _ having the upper bunk _ a religious preference ********************** Which of the following should we claim as part of our culture _ a lesbian who has never been sexual with another woman _ a lesbian who is celibate _ a lesbian who sleeps with men _ married women with understanding husbands _ any variation of bisexuality ****************** Are you _ happily single _ unhappily single _ happily married _ unhappily married _ monogamous by choice _ non-monogamous by choice _ celibate by choice _ celibate by circumstance _ a virgin by choice _ a virgin by circumstances Rank these fantasy dates _ dating the diesel dyke _ liason with the leather dyke _ tryst with the tomboy _ lust with the lipie (lesbian hippie) _ fling with the femme fatale _ loving with the luppy (lesbian yuppy) _ adventure with the author ********************* Scoring If took the test, it indicates that you .... _ are very secure in your knowledge of lesbian identities _ are one of those perpetual student lesbians who thought the test was part of the curriculum _ are probably as confused as the rest of us, and seeking some enlightenment